The Get-Away Plan

A friend told me about an out-of-town trip she was taking alone. If you are the primary caregiver, you know the basics of the story, something along the lines of the following:

Primary Caregiver makes all the necessary plans for her trip. “I’ve checked schedules,” she tells her family. “’I’ve arranged rides and overnight care.” She books flights and hotel and reserves the rental car. She is confident all is well in her world…until about two weeks out.

“Where are you going? When? Don’t go. We need you!”

Guilt rears its head. “How will they manage? Am I insane?”

Caregiver plods forward…beating herself up mentally along the way. She works doubly hard to get everything ready. She not only packs for herself, but also arranges for even the tiniest detail that will occur while she’s gone. In my friend’s case, she had three sports-minded and super active children to make arrangements for.

Caregiver goes to the grocery store to stock the cabinets. She makes a last minute dash to the pharmacy. Having the family run out of anything while she’s away would be disastrous. The day before the scheduled trip she frantically handles last minute details, doubting herself the entire time. Caregiver answers questions while trying not to let negative jabs derail her.

“Too late,” Caregiver says to herself, “I couldn’t back out if I wanted to.”

With every item on the list checked off, Caregiver crawls into bed (two hours later than planned).

Let’s face it. Life is simpler when everyone has assigned roles and fulfills them. But when the Family Manger needs to take a short leave (whether business or pleasure), it’s no easy task to make sure all the fronts are covered. With careful planning, a Caregiver can leave town and everyone will survive. Here are some tips to help you prepare your family for your time away.

1. Create a schedule. A friend includes Google Maps for her sitters.

2. Don’t complicate the schedule. For example, reschedule the orthodontist appointment for when you are home.

3. Explain your travel agenda and how available you’ll be. Check in regularly, but also keep boundaries.

4. Arrange the pet sitters or any other odd job that you usually handle. Leave instructions for duties that are typically covered by you. Sharing these jobs with your children when they are old enough to be helping will make future trips easier.

5. Leave your family contact information.

6. Be sure everyone has access to cash.

7. In case of medical emergencies be sure your sitter or spouse has the insurance card and/or medical consent form.

8. Having a thought-out plan with back-ups you can count on is important whether you are leaving home on an emergency, a business trip or just for fun.

It’s usually the ‘fun’ trip that causes a Primary Caregiver the most anguish. It is good to remember the occasional trip to recharge, regroup, refuel your interests and desires and, yes, to have some fun along the way, can benefit not only the Primary Caregiver, but also her family when she returns invigorated and refreshed.

As my friend talked about how hard it was to stay on course, she said, “But the most interesting thing is what happened when I finally did get in my bed the night before leaving town. As I lay my head on the pillow with the intention of going over my to-do list for the morning, I realize I was ‘hearing’ something else in my head. I heard myself say, ‘I am so very, very happy.’”

What a great example to share with your children.

Allyn Evans
Email me!
www.thealertparent.com

Emma's Inspirations

Sandie Lee, former editor for Families Matter , featured the story of Emma. “Each year, millions of children face danger and injury because of being left in vehicles unattended,” Sandie wrote.

We’ve all read the headlines and been horrified. We realize how easy this could happen—even to the best of caregivers. In our go-go, sleep deprived world, children are left in unattended cars more than we’d like to think.

According to Jan Null (San Francisco State University), there have already been 30 deaths of infants this year due to having been left in a hot vehicle.

In 2008, there were 43 deaths. Since 1998 there have been a total of 442 recorded infant fatalities due to having been left unattended in vehicles. Temperatures don’t have to be in the 90’s to be life-threatening.

Temperatures as mild as the 70’s can be fatal. It’s probably not surprising that the majority of deaths are clustered in southern and southwestern states: Florida, Arizona and Texas, as examples.

According to Sandie who is currently Blog Editor of Bumples Family First, "Barbara left her child in an SUV. Fortunately for Barbara and her daughter Emma, her story had a positive outcome and Barbara used the experience to create a helpful product for caregivers.

In the Families Matters article Barbara explained, “When our daughter Emma was an infant, we moved into our new house. As we pulled into the driveway, we all became very excited and quickly left the car to see the house. There was so much to be done that everyone went off in different directions.

“I had assumed that my husband had Emma, and he thought that it was me who had brought her inside. Making the assumption that everything was okay, we all went about moving into our new home. In a sudden moment of panic we realized that our baby girl wasn’t even in the house. Nearly forty-five minutes after we had arrived, we rushed to our car for Emma.

“The sun was high in the sky, and it was sweltering in the car. We were very lucky. I thank God that my older son had cracked open the back window on the ride up because he was carsick, or Emma may not have become the vibrant six-year-old she is today!”

After the event Barbara was created Emma’s Inspirations, a decal (a new car window static-cling sticker) that provides a visual reminder to the driver that a child could still be in the backseat. To dole out responsibility, Emma’s inspiration includes four decals designed to adhere to the inside of the window and facing out.

Suggested placements are on the driver, passenger and rear door windows. For order information visit Emma’s Inspirations, which also has decals for pet owners, too.

Jan Null posted safety recommendations on her site. She leads off her list with instructions to never leave a child unattended. Her advice is telling us something we already know. It’s highly unlikely a child is left alone purposefully.

Points worth repeating:
1. If you see a child unattended in a hot vehicle call 911. Don’t hesitate to take action.
2. Always lock your car. This prevents a child from climbing in by him or herself. Teach your children that vehicles are never to be used for play.
3. Make “look before you leave” a routine whenever you get out of your car.
4. Have a plan that your childcare provider will call you if your child does not show up for school.

Enhancing the decal idea, keep a stuffed animal in the carseat. When you place the child in the carseat, put the stuffed animal in the front with the driver.

Allyn Evans
http://www.allynevans.com/
Email me!

Flying With Lap Babies

Recently I flew to Virginia for a business meeting.

My trek from Oklahoma City to Charlottesville took two flights. While on the first leg of my trip and listening to the safety instructions, I started thinking about the lap child seated in front of me.

I pulled out the instruction sheet to see what they were telling parents of little ones to do incase of trouble. The picture demonstrating the recommended technique showed a mother holding on tight while hunched over her baby.

I wondered how many parents in an emergency situation would attempt to strap their child down? And how tragic either way—strapped or holding—would be for parent and child.

When I arrived home, I just happened to read an article by a former flight attendant and cyberfriend of mine on this very subject. Beth Blair (The Vacation Gals) asked readers, “Would you ever sit your child on your lap riding on a roller coaster? How about cruising at 75 mph down the highway?”

She explained the airlines policy, which is any child under the age of two can fly for “free” (in the United States) if they sit on an adult’s lap for the entire flight. Beth said, “Some parents assume that if the airline allows lap children, it must be okay. After all, the airlines are the experts, why would they put any of their passengers in danger?”

I cringed when I read this because I was one of those parents who believed, “Well, it must be okay if they allow it!”

What parents don’t realize is if a plane did crash it would be virtually impossible to hang on to your child. And the force of the impact propels a twenty pound baby into an 80 to 100 pound flying object. Strapping a child to you is also a bad idea.

Beth explains, “If the plane comes to a sudden halt or crash, your body will automatically be thrown forward and forced down, on top of your baby, possibly crushing him.”

Turbulence is also a problem. I remember how difficult it was to simply hang on to Addy when things were calm. Sometimes, the last thing she wanted to do was to sit still in my lap for an extended flight. Forgetting that, turbulence is a regular occurrence and can be rough enough to open overhead bins and throw non-seat-belted adults around.

So what’s a parent to do?

Beth has an answer for that too. “I suggest purchasing a seat for your child the next time you fly.” Parents who purchase seats can also bring a car seat to place (and then be strapped down) in the seat.

In a follow up article, Beth provided another solution to her readers. New on the market is a restraining system for children called CARES (Child Aviation Restraint System). It’s reasonable—only costs $75 and weighs only one pound and will protect a child weighing between 22 and 44 pounds.

To order, simply visit their website: http://www.kidsflysafe.com. Manufactured by an airline seat belt maker, AmSafe Aviation, it is reliable and easy to use. Beth demoed the safety straps and provided instructions:

1. Lower tray table behind child’s seat and slide the red harness over the seat.

2. Pull red loop snug about seat back.

3. Tighten red loop 1″ above child’s shoulders.

4. Insert lap belt through small black loops, buckle lap belt, fasten chest clip.

5. Tighten lap belt and torso harness. 6. Re-stow tray table.

And if you still need to take your car seat…of course you do! Simply check it with your luggage or think about renting one upon your arrival.

Allyn Evans
www.thealertparent.com
email me!

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